Kiefer Sutherland
(ring) Hello? Yes this is Feeley with United Parcel Service. (echo) Yes? I'm with UPS sir. Yes? Uhh, we've tried to come out there twice, for a shipment... Out where, sir? Uhh, I'm in Culver City at the district headquarters. We've got plaster of paris... What's the address you're trying to deliver to, sir? It's a big cluster of parcels we've got, and uh, just wanted to know when you're gonna be around t... What is the address you're trying to deliver to? I don't know who you are. What is the address you're trying to deliver to? My name is Feeley. I'm a regional manager at UPS. And uh... Ok, and what is the address you are trying to deliver to? We're at 3220 Olympic Boulevard. I don't need your address, I need to know what address you are trying to deliver the package to. This thing is C.O.D. We've been out there twice. Then, it's not to me. It says it for Mister Sutherlander, and uhh... I ordered nothing C.O.D. and, it's not for me. It's from the Ho Ho House, and it's plaster of paris. Now, what plaster of paris is, is a compound... ...I know what plaster of paris is. I'm not paying for anything C.O.D., and I have not ordered anything, so... Well, our driver is coming back en route to you with an interpreter. He is English as a second language. He's Bangladeshi. And us, just need to see some identification when he gets there. And again, I'm not going to be here. I can't express to you strongly enough, I ordered nothing. And I am not accepting anything C.O.D. Well, what plaster of paris is, it's a compound, it can't dry, it has to be conta... I know what plaster of paris is, but send it back to whoever sent it. Sir, just take reci... I did not order it. I've got your signature. I've got you digital signature. You do not have my signature, and you do not have my digital signature, because I don't have a computer. That's impossible. Uh, give me the name of whoever I can call that is above you. It's from the Ho Ho House, sir. I don't care. I don't know what that is. And you're telling me I'm accepting a parcel C.O.D., and that is just not true. I have never signed nor ordered for anything like that. You cannot give me the address where I live, so clearly it's not coming to me. I've given you the address. And I'm telling you, I don't know what that address is. That's where we're located. We've been here for 32 years at the same location. That's where you're located. Yes, sir. If someone was sending me something and they knew me, they'd be sending it to my address. I'm telling you, send it back to whoever sent it to you, it is not mine. It's yours, you could pick it up from our dock if you'd prefer. I'm not picking anything up. I didn't order anything, it's not for me. Check or credit card required. (sound effects) Ok, so if you could bring that with you. And...I'm not doing any such thing. Umm, you can send the package back, but I did not order it, nor is it mine. I'm a regional manager. Plaster of paris, is what the contents are, I'm looking right at... I don't care. I'm telling you, someone has sent you something that I have nothing to do with, nor do I want... I'm looking right at the packing slip. ...nor have I ordered. And you can't tell me my address or my name. I work as an actor, I am, uh, relatively famous, I can not tell you who sent this to you, it has nothing to do with me is all I'm saying to help you out. So this is an act, you're saying? (sound effects) How do you want us to proceed, is my question. (hang up sound) - (ring) Hello? Yes, this is Sweeney with UPS uh, what's what's... ...yeah, and I said I'm not picking up the package, I did not order it, and I said have a great day. What's the trouble out here, sir. I didn't order it. I have no idea what you're talking about, and I did not (unintelligible) I don't know what the Ho Ho House is, I don't need a secondary language interpreter to explain to me what it is, and I'm certainly not paying for something that is not mine. That's why I'm calling, I'm a statewide manager for United Parcel Service. You were a regional manager two seconds ago, but OK. That was my associate, I'm the manager here. Ok. And my name is Kiefer Sutherland, and people send stuff all the time. I have not ordered this, I do not want it. I have been told by our vice-president we can take PayPal. I'm not paying you anything. Well, what is the hold up here? You said you're putting on an act... ...Send it back to whoever sent it to you. Are you putting on an act of some kind? Is what I've been told, that's why the interpreter's involved. Sir, do you want to pick it up, or have it delivered? I do not want either. I do not want either... Why? (echo) ...And if you insist on bothering me, if you insist on bothering me, I will have my lawyer return your call at this number. What is your name again? I'm Sweeney. What is your first name? That is my first name. Dixon is my las... What is your last name? Sweeney Dixon. Sweeney Dixon, excellent. I'll have someone call you right back. I can give you my direct line, it's my DID line. Uh-huh. But can I get the credit card number first just to... Absolutely not. Absolutely not. What is your number. Ah, 1-800-PICK-UPS. It's one eight hundred... Uh-huh Seven, four, two, five... Uh-huh ...eight, seven, seven. And we need a credit card or a personal... You're not getting either, but I'll have a lawyer call you right back. Why? (echo) Bye-bye. Category:Special delivery Category:Celebrities